


Wash Doesn't Have Nightmares

by faraandmera



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Lots of Angst, mentions of everyone else - Freeform, spoilers for up till somewhere in season 12, was written before season 13
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-10
Updated: 2015-09-10
Packaged: 2018-04-20 04:02:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4772765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/faraandmera/pseuds/faraandmera
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Agent Washington doesn't have nightmares. Not that he'd tell you If he did</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wash Doesn't Have Nightmares

**Author's Note:**

> originally posted to my tumblr ( http://faronisisioni.tumblr.com/post/110620354718/ )

Agent Washington doesn’t have nightmares. At least he says he doesn’t.

David doesn’t have nightmares, because he’s not a child anymore and he’s not scared of monsters in his closet or under his bed. He’s not a child and his mind isn’t filled with lies about the world around him and everything that could go wrong that actually couldn’t. There aren’t monsters and he doesn’t wake up scared.

David doesn’t have nightmares and there are monsters in his friends.

Project Freelancer Agent Washington has nightmares. Not that he’d admit that. Being in such a elite group of soldiers, a group filled with such amazing and strong people, he doesn’t think he could admit if he did. But he doesn’t (have nightmares that is). He doesn’t wake up in the middle of the night reaching out for his friends. His friends who are fine and his friends who he didn’t just dream were dying.

Project Freelancer Agent Washington has nightmares of things he imagines will never happen.

Freelancer Agent Washington has nightmares. No, he doesn’t have nightmares because he’s not asleep. Or maybe he is asleep. He has nightmares because the voice in his head wont shut up. There isn’t a voice in his head _(There are a lot of voices in your head)_. There’s no one in his head. Epsilon is in his head. ( _Epsilon is dead._ ) Washington is dead. ( _No, they’re dead._ ) His friends are _(dead)_ and he can’t do anything. He doesn’t know who he is. _(Which voice are you?)_

Freelancer Agent Washington has nightmares about the voice and people in his head. He can’t remember which nightmares are his.

Recovery One (Agent Washington) doesn’t have nightmares. No, he doesn’t have nightmares about his friends being killed and finding their bodies. He doesn’t have to, as he hunts down the Meta. _(It’s not Maine, it’s not Maine, Maine is dead; everyone is dead. The Meta is not Maine. Looking at him doesn’t hurt.)_ And he doesn’t have nightmares where South shoots him. _(She was never your friend.)_ He doesn’t have nightmares that keep him up at night _(They were never your friends)_. He just focuses on his job _(You’re not crazy.)_

Recovery One doesn’t have nightmares because he doesn’t sleep.

Agent Washington doesn’t have nightmares. He doesn’t dream at all, too exhausted from dealing with the Blues- and later the Reds- while hunting down the Meta _(Not Maine. It’s not Maine. Maine is dead.)_ and getting back A.I.s _(South betrayed you and you don’t feel guilty)_ like Delta. He’s exhausted and can’t even dream so it’s impossible to have nightmares. _(Everything is a nightmare)_. Figuring out how to convince Church he’s the Alpha takes up too much time, managing Caboose and the Reds takes too much time.

Agent Washington doesn’t have nightmares or dreams at all. _(It’s quiet for once)._

Prisoner 619-B doesn’t have nightmares. Doesn’t dream that he’ll wake up with a blade in his throat. He doesn’t dream that the Meta will turn on him before they find Epsilon, doesn’t dream that he’ll have to fight him. Doesn’t dream that the Meta will kill him. Prisoner 619-B doesn’t dream that Maine will kill him _(because it’s not Maine anymore. It’s not a person.)_ or that the Meta will be stronger than him _(Maine always was)._

Prisoner 619-B has nightmares that his “friend” is still in there somewhere and that it wont change anything.

Agent Washington doesn’t have nightmares. Looking at Epsilon _(no, Church- it’s not Epsilon, Epsilon killed itself in your head.)_ doesn’t make him feel sick and he doesn’t dream about the memories it gave him. (screaming, they’re screaming, make it stop, make it stop, make it stop, make it stop.) He doesn’t dream about Carolina dying. (She’s right here, she’s not dead.)

Agent Washington has nightmares about things that happened, and others’ memories. (why are the memories still there)

Washington doesn’t have nightmares. At least he doesn’t remember them, and to him that means he didn’t have them. (couldn’t have had them.) He doesn’t wake up in the middle of the night, reaching out for friends he watched die _(you killed them too)_ or who he knows died _(you should have noticed)_. He doesn’t sit up into early morning feeling guilty _(Church and Carolina need your help)_.

Washington doesn’t have nightmares.

Wash doesn’t have nightmares. At least he says he doesn’t _(because if you can’t remember them they don’t count.)_ and Caboose and Tucker don’t say he does. _(They know you do.)_ He doesn’t wake up in the middle of the night reaching out for friends that he knows he can’t save. _(If they fail you can’t help. You were always the worst.)_ He isn’t woken up so shaken he has to leave his room _(maybe water will help)_ and sit on the floor of their base shaking.

Tucker notices. Hears Wash stumble about in the middle of the night, breathing like he’d run for days, whispering names of states- of people he used to work with. They were probably his friends. He doesn’t say anything because Wash pretends it doesn’t happen and he has enough sense to know Wash doesn’t want to talk about it. [Just like Tucker doesn’t want to talk about Church.]

Caboose knows. He’s stupid and he doesn’t understand completely, but Wash is sad when Caboose wakes up in the night and gets water [because he was told to do that to go back to sleep.] so he knows something is wrong. Caboose learns to, for once, be quiet about it when he sees Wash up in the middle of the night. He tells Wash bed time stories [and Wash pretends they help and he can follow them].

Wash has nightmares and everyone knows it. _(They all know how pathetic you are.)_

Agent Washington doesn’t have nightmares. He doesn’t dream that his friends have been taken away and that he has to find them. Doesn’t dream he was tricked by mercenaries and that he’s failed his team, failed both teams. Doesn’t dream that he brought a tracker along with them because he wanted to save a friend _(your team is worse off because you)._ Doesn’t dream that he gets them all killed.

Agent Washington doesn’t have nightmares because reality is harsh enough.

David doesn’t have nightmares. Because he’s not a kid and he abandoned that name when he lost his mind _(you’re not crazy)._

Agent Washington has nightmares because he’s not a kid and he can’t handle the world no matter how much he pretends he’s the only one who can. _(You’re a failure)._

If anyone notices they don’t say anything, for his sake.


End file.
